Lately, I’ve been drinking to be happy.
When I’m sober, I can’t seem to forget how much this hurts.
I feel like exploding.
My mind and my heart are both a mess.
Thoughts and feelings are boiling over.
I can’t seem to soak up any more lies or any more honesty.
I can’t tell which is which.
This confusion and frustration is taking too much out of me.
And lately I’ve been falling asleep in my work clothes because I can’t muster up the energy to change.
My arms and legs aren’t working right.
I keep shuffling my feet and looking down when I walk.
Scénarios play in my mind where I destroy everything closest to me, even though I feel like I have nothing left worth losing.
I don’t want to live anymore but I’m too uncertain of life after death to pull the trigger.
I walk every day, shuffling my feet, looking down when I walk, a gun held to my head waiting for someone to walk up and pull the trigger for me.
In my head I aim at everything else.
When it’s over my hands are stained with blood and I’m standing alone.
I need God to save me.
The last time I asked Him to kill me He didn’t do it.
I need God.
To Save Me.
Please Save Me.
©Marie Meyer, 2017