How do I pray?
What do I say to a God
that I’ve abandoned?
Apologies and confessionals
in exchange for your Grace,
when I should have been speaking to you from the start.
Is it in human nature, to only use Your Love for self gain?
Do I really mean my confessions,
or do I simply really need you?
And like a false prophet, I speak of the wonders of Your Grace,
when it’s been months since I sat in congregation.
Yet now I need you;
because the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart are beyond what I can handle.
I’ve isolated myself.
I’m my own enemy.
And when I fold my hands to pray, it feels so wrong.
When I fall to my knees,
it feels ungrateful.
When I cry, I feel like I deserve it.
How do I turn my sorrow into praise,
so that you know that my heart is in earnest?
How do I pray to a God that I’ve abandoned?
copyright Marie Meyers, 2016