How Do I Pray

by Alexis Marie

How do I pray? 
What do I say to a God
that I’ve abandoned?

Apologies and confessionals
in exchange for your Grace,
when I should have been speaking to you from the start.

Is it in human nature, to only use Your Love for self gain?

Do I really mean my confessions,
or do I simply really need you?

And like a false prophet, I speak of the wonders of Your Grace,
when it’s been months since I sat in congregation.

Yet now I need you;
because the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart are beyond what I can handle.

I’ve isolated myself.
I’m my own enemy.
And when I fold my hands to pray, it feels so wrong.
When I fall to my knees,
it feels ungrateful.
When I cry, I feel like I deserve it.

How do I turn my sorrow into praise,
so that you know that my heart is in earnest?

How do I pray to a God that I’ve abandoned?

copyright Marie Meyers, 2016