Are we fated to be faithful, or fateful?
Might not make any sense to you,
but I’ve been spending my days
thinking
about forever lately..
Forever loved or forever alone,
Forever remembered,
or forever forgotten;
if I died today,
would I miss this place,
and would anyone miss me
when I was gone?
…Would you?

I’ve been spending my nights
tossing and turning lately,
because you haven’t been beside me
to become one with me–
–I haven’t merged our souls,
moulded our bodies so perfectly
that we can’t tell where
my skin ends, or
where yours begins…

I miss tracing your shape
with my eyes and my fingers,
memories tease and torment–
–did you know
when we recall a memory
it’s a distorted representation
of what actually was?
— nothing is better
than the real thing,
and waiting
to see you again is agonizing;
time can’t go by quick enough
and yet,
I feel like it’s going too fast,

like,
what if I die before we kiss again?
Before you tell me you love me again?
And it makes me wonder:
maybe when it comes to us
there will never be enough time,
always too little or too much;
Greedy and possesive I know,
but only when I’m in your arms
does time seem to stand still
at the right time
and in the right way.

Dangerous, really–

We can become
the embodiement of bliss,
or this could all go up in flames.
The stakes are so high
no matter what the outcome,
and either way,
we become lost to each other..

If I died right now,
how much pain would you feel?
Would your skin betray your fury,
would your heart
bleed through your skin;
would you cry for me?

Would you leave your soul
with me
for safe keeping,
and so that
I would never forget you?

Would you forget me?

I wonder all this now
in a single moment
as I think about
the chocolate of
your skin
and your almond
shaped eyes,

and the
curve of your lips–
–your deep chuckle in my ear,
as you ask me
why my mind is so far away
when your’e right beside me..

You tell me to pay attention
to the things you’re saying,
but my mind
can’t help but wander,
because I feel both so happy
right now
with you here,
and so very much afraid
of this malicious happiness.

I want to kiss you,
I turn my head to capture
your lips with my own
as you’re mid sentence–
–youre eager, and soon
our bodies speak to one another;

And it’s just as well,
because I was so lost in
my love for you,
that I can’t recall
what you were speaking on;
and now, hopefully, you can’t either . . .

©Marie Meyers, 2017. All Rights Reserved. 

My Apologies For My Self Apathy, Thank You For Your Empathy

fighting an internal battle between life as i know it and what i once knew
searching for eternity where forever doesn’t exist
trying to penetrate the armour i spent my whole life welding
it’s not your fault i’m estranged from you
you said you’re losing me but you never had me
you said i’m losing you yet i didn’t know i had you
& please don’t blame yourself
don’t feel guilty for quitting me
i can’t tear down these walls i built to hide from you
i took your presence for granted
i didn’t realize you were there
self hate is a powerful demon
i fed into my own delusions
& i dreamed i was trying to escape a place
wherein the devil was always one step behind me
before i knew it i had isolated myself with demons
trying to convince me only the devil could show me the way out
imagery, alliteration, metaphors
a euphemism,
i isolated myself and now i’m all alone
the rays of light are fading
my shadow is fading
darkness ascending
it’s cold and quiet here
i feel hollow, i didn’t realize until everything was gone
there’s nothing here but an ever slowing heartbeat, my own
the devil is trying to claim my soul
the angels of death are waiting to devour me
a contract laid before me
i don’t dare sign away the blood inside me
when my heart stops will it be angels or demons that claim my body
or will you lay me to rest within you
would i still be hollow if i showed you
all that’s missing inside me
will you forgive me for the sins i’ve indulged in
knowing i can’t forgive myself
because i can’t feel remorse or self pity
for being indulgent in my self made destruction
& will you shed the tears that don’t fall anymore when i’m gone
don’t feel guilty, it’s okay to wait with bated breath
for the end of this
& don’t blame yourself
it’s not that you’re weak but that i broke you, without realizing
i walked this path of emotional mutilation
i didn’t know you were beside me
had i known, i’d have been ten times more ruthless
pushing you away
because now that i’ve pushed you from me
i always notice you’re no longer here
& yet loneliness, in this empty cold place,
is warm
& these violent delights have violent ends
& in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
which, as they kiss, consume
the sweetest honey
is loathsome in his own deliciousness
& in the taste confounds the appetite
& in this dark and quiet space
i hunger for something i’ve never tasted* , , ,
Copyright Marie Meyers, 2017. All Rights Reserved.
*last eight lines from Shakespeare’s Hamlet

same dark devoid (first edit) 

​you’re standing on the edge looking over: i’m looking up at your silhouette, if you jumped i could catch you in my arms,

you’re teetering on your heels, if you slip you’ll crush us both, stuck between my desire for your balance or watching you fall, you’re so unreachable at that height, i bet i’m so small when you look down here,,,

your figure is almost blurry, hard to distinguish, and in the dark you’re just about invisible, the white of your teeth and the glow of your aura is the only indicator i’m not alone in this otherwise empty void, can you see me wave to you or do my digits blend in with this dark? in the night you’re even smaller at that height, i sometimes mistake you for a falling star,,, and wish on you , but then i remember,,, 

– are there more of you up there or are you alone ? – i yell up to ask, but you’re too far to hear me, i’m the only one down here, i don’t dare tell you because then you might not fall here,,, then guilt and bile nauseate me, super·ego says to warn you, i shoo you and shake my head but you can’t see my head move, i honestly want to prolong your longevity but i also low key hope you misinterpret my warnings as invitations,,, some days.,,, 

other days i feel as if we both take comfort in just knowing, there’s more to this , and an end to this,,, and that’s why some days we just sit here in this space, me here and you there, just breathing and sharing lonliness.,,, beautiful, peaceful, contented, quiet days…..

– Copyright Marie Meyers. CanAnybodyHearMeProject. 2017. All Rights Reserved. 

– if i were a bird –

​i’m an old soul that becomes young again in the sun / the spring breeze caresses my skin and in those moments i’m an angel / a butterfly / a bird / i’m free to choose my own path and enact my own fate / my heart is open; positive energy flows from my finger tips and is returned to me tenfold / because i’m an angel / a butterfly / a bird 

because my soul is old / the sting of loss is stronger / though my past memories / i’ve yet awakened / their imprint is reincarnated within me / a great wall that pre-existed the moment i was born / a height i can’t peer beyond / enclosing me / the only world i know / a world not known to me / i’m unable to discover / because i’m human / i’m alone 

i don’t know who waits for me / because i can’t break or scale the stone / blocking my vision and hiding my heart / agony / despair / i want to see / i want to know / i want more / for me / than this fate / wings 

my spirit guide / butterflies / transitions and the circle of life / rebirth manifested / i’ve no wings to become new / no chrysalis from which i can emerge / as something more free / and something more loved / however still i wait / to tear down walls others built around my heart / hurt and betrayal became the wall that keeps others away from me / a protection and a danger / it’s better to remain here / than be hurt by someone / i’ve longed to finally see 

but as a bird / i could fly over the wall / hiding my heart / and know once for all / if i’m really alone in this life / to know someone is waiting for the wall to tumble down / waiting to see me free / to accept the love i’ve cultivated my entire life / i wish i were really a bird / so i could know / i’m not alone

©Marie Meyers, 2017. CanAnyBodyHearMe?Project. All Rights Reserved. 

Untitled 4/23/17

brokentrying to gather up the pieces of my heart that have been scattered everywhere,
will you take a heart with mismatched pieces?
fingers glued together, late nights of gentle tending,
will you take a heart
with shattered pieces?

The words “All I Am,” razor sharp, prickling, bleeding –

Will you accept a heart with broken pieces/?

Will you take me as I am/?

(Copyright Marie Meyers, 2017. All Rights Reserved.)

04/23/2017

So, no current news for writing or anything like that. Just a quick rant I suppose.

I realize that in the past 3 years I have gone through a lot of shit. Like, if my writing pieces are any indication a lot of shit has been happening. I’ve been trying to make sense of everything that has been happening to me slowly but surely. Trying to admit it to myself and to those I love and the other people around me.

For those of you that don’t know, two years ago I was in a relationship with someone and that relationship ended last year. The person I was with I loved more than anything. Even tho we fought all the time. I was going to marry this person, and have a child with this person. I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.

But he was abusive. It didn’t start off that way, we would argue and he’d get pushy. Then he started choking me. I stayed for a while before I left and, when we had broke up I had rebounded and slept with someone from my place of work. He found out and pressured me into sex. I didn’t know sex could be so terrible. I didn’t know sexual abuse could feel that way. I went to the hospital for a rape kit, I was scared to sleep with anyone for a while, I was an unhinged mess and just two months ago tried to commit suicide.

I’m trying to regain the version of me I had lost during that two and a half year time period, but it’s not easy. Every day I’m fighting demons. I’m black and white now. Every impression is a lasting one. I don’t know how to trust anyone or how to give second changes, I’m always assuming the worst in others, and I always feel like I’m falling short of Life’s expectations. Everyone I’ve been trying to get close to has ended up lying, manipulating, or leaving. I’ve spent the last year feeling incredibly alone, with nothing to live for. I want to have a meaning to be happy, but it’s hard. I’m trying to surround myself with good vibes but it almost seems impossible. And every time I take a step forward I feel knocked down. I don’t know what to do about that but I hate it forreal. All I can do now is write my feelings and hope that writing this all down will heal me just a little. I feel broken, damaged, and no good all the time. I don’t know if it will ever go away .

THE HOPE PROJECT OPEN COLLABORATION MOVEMENT

Hey guys. Marie Meyers here.

In addition to some of the new writing projects on the site, I have decided to re-launch THE HOPE PROJECT. For those of you who may or may not remember,  THE HOPE PROJECT was an anthology set to be published in 2014. Due to complications the project was discontinued.

My official Facebook statement is as followed:

So I have decided to make THE HOPE PROJECT an open collaboration project on my blog. Rather than just limiting the project to Facebook, I’ve decided to put it up on other forms of social media .

THE HOPE PROJECT was originally intended to inspire hope in individuals suffering from depression. It was intended to honor those we’ve loved and lost to suicide and to bring awareness to those who bully and put down others of the consequences their actions can have on others.

I’ve decided to scout editors for this open collaboration. These editors, along with myself, will edit and post all submissions received and work closely with the writers in question. My goal is to gain enough submissions over the course of a year to compile and re discuss publication options with Light Switch Press.

If anyone is interested, please let me know by contacting on this page or my Marie Meyers page .

In case anyone forgot, THE HOPE PROJECT submissions include poetry, prose, short stories, narratives, personal essays, artwork, etc. More information can be found on my tumblr page, jusslex.tumblr.com/THEHOPEPROJECT

Please #share the news! Let’s get this underway !

It is my goal, and always have been, to make THE HOPE PROJECT a success. Being a child of the millennial generation, it is hard to see those in my age group victims of depression, suicide, or loss. As one that has struggled with all three, it makes me even more passionate about this movement.

Eventually, I want this collaboration to include testimonies, videos, etc. It is my goal to make THE HOPE PROJECT a mainstream, charitable, non profit cause.

Which brings me to WordPress. This project is one anyone can join. If anyone is interested in joining this cause and bringing change to the future of teens and young adolescents, please contact me. We are seeking contributors, editors, artists, etc.

For more information, simply click on THE HOPE PROJECT tab in the top menu of this blog or click the link I will display below to be directed.

If interested, please like, comment, and share! If we all join together, we can bring hope to those who feel hopeless. Thank you all again! I love you very much :-*

– Marie Meyers, 2017. (Copyright THEHOPEPROJECT, Marie Meyers. All Rights Reserved.)

THE HOPE PROJECT

MARIE MEYERS OFFICIAL FACEBOOK PAGE

The Master’s Arrival I, II, III:

“The Master’s Arrival” parts I, II, and III are now available in Marie Meyer’s Erotica Collection!

“I’m naked, as usual. The wooden chair is cool on my skin, feverish, goosebumps erupting as a result of room temperature and my wanton anticipation. My nipples are hard. I feel myself moisten. Waiting and wondering is always the hardest part, but it’s the part that excites me the most. The door opens. I jolt, forcing myself to calm.”The Master’s Arrival

“It has only been a few minutes, but it feels like hours. What is he going to do? When? My toes curl. I moisten my lips…The air shifts, and I feel a pouch brush against my fingers. I take it immediately. I wait for his command. “Open it.” The sound of his deep voice makes my pussy drip even more. I do as I’m told.”The Master’s Arrival II

“…He moves around me and I feel his body brush against mine as he lowers himself into the chair. My ass is directly in front of his face. For a moment, he explores it; his large hands knead my cheeks and spread them apart. I moan. He directs me forward, then back to his side. Then he pulls me down over his lap and bends me over his knee. I gasp. “Say it,” he commands. I would love to.”The Master’s Arrival III

Read what happens when Junipyr Lee’s Master arrives by following the link below. Be sure to check out the other stories in the collection; and comment, like, and share!

Marie Meyer’s Erotica Collection

Copyright Marie Meyers, 2017. All Rights Reserved. 

Almost Like A Prayer 

​Lately, I’ve been drinking to be happy. 

When I’m sober, I can’t seem to forget how much this hurts. 

I feel like exploding. 

My mind and my heart are both a mess. 

Thoughts and feelings are boiling over. 

Imploding. 

Over saturated. 

I can’t seem to soak up any more lies or any more honesty. 

I can’t tell which is which. 

This confusion and frustration is taking too much out of me. 

And lately I’ve been falling asleep in my work clothes because I can’t muster up the energy to change. 

My arms and legs aren’t working right. 

I keep shuffling my feet and looking down when I walk. 

Scénarios play in my mind where I destroy everything closest to me, even though I feel like I have nothing left worth losing. 

I don’t want to live anymore but I’m too uncertain of life after death to pull the trigger. 

I walk every day, shuffling my feet, looking down when I walk, a gun held to my head waiting for someone to walk up and pull the trigger for me. 

In my head I aim at everything else. 

When it’s over my hands are stained with blood and I’m standing alone. 

I need God to save me. 

The last time I asked Him to kill me He didn’t do it. 

I need God.

To Save Me.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Someone,,

.

.

.

Please Save Me.
©Marie Meyer, 2017